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About Deviant Member I love you...jk,go die in a caveFemale/Bulgaria Groups :iconadopt-a-sp-pairing: Adopt-A-SP-pairing
Mainly South park yaoi pairings
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Anyone willing to add me? Anyone?
Ok, so first and foremost-thank you all for being so kind and patient with me. Yes, I'm finally out of the hospital and raising a glass (of water, sadly, I'm afraid my beer drinking days are over) to staying home and going back to what I love doing the most-working and annoying all of you wonderful, awesome people with my long and boring journals.

It's raining in good ole Bulgaria and I'm not clear to go out during bad weather, so I'll be responding to your messages and notes properly today. Before I get to that of course, a little ramble, which you might feel free to skip, as it's just as nerdy and dorky as you would expect. Beware.

So, while I was hospitalized, I didn't have my own room-since over here, we don't get private rooms and cheerful nurses tending to our needs, we get swamped with at least two more patients, sometimes of the opposite sex, who are just as bored and troubled as you, so they normally spend their time staring at your tiny, yet apparently interesting enough breasts, while thinking over the meaning of life and such-I was lucky enough to get a room with just one more girl, who could care less about me. She kept playing music to pass the time, instead of focusing on my anatomy and one of the songs she abused was "All about that bass" by Meghan Trainor.

I preffer rock, metal and alternative, but I do have my pop and hip-hop guilty pleasure songs, plus, I've come to terms with the fact that if I'm in a club, it's more likely that I'll be dancing to Ariana Grande rather than Aerosmith or Guns and Roses, mainly because 1-that's what's been playing on MTV and 2-the clubs I visit are for young people, not old farts like me and I don't belong in them anyway-but back to my original point, I learned to tolerate music outside of my personal taste. So, yeah. It might've helped that I was high on painkillers while listening in the hospital, but All about that base grew on me and got stuck in my head.

I saw nothing wrong with it. It seemed cheerful and nice enough, minus the whole "skinny bitches" part. Now, don't get me wrong-I don't hate skinny people. I don't hate curvy or bigger people either. Hell, I consider myself pretty fat, especially after doing absolutely nothing for almost half a month, but I've made peace with it. Beauty comes in all sizes and I don't normally care about anyone's size. I used to be obsessed with my weight (actually, I think I still am; the first thing I did, coming home, was to hit my scale and then start working out) which has a backstory of its own-as a kid and teen, I was always extremely skinny. Once I hit 19 however, I started gaining weight, so I began dieting and exercising, until it turned into a problem. Eventually, I was told to basically grow the fuck up and enjoy life as I am, but sometimes I feel tempted to just skip a meal or just go out running, even though my back is still hurting. So, as a troubled adult, a song about embracing your curves seemed alright to me-but apparently, I'm missing something.

The whole "bringing booty back" trend which is going on recently, not just with Meghan, but a lot of artists like Nicki Minaj and J-Lo seems to be causing a lot of controversy, mostly with thin people, who online are reffering to this as "thin bashing". Looking over this, I get it-when I used to be a skinny kid, I hated people calling me names like anorexic or bitch or stick-figure just because my metabolism was fast. Now I feel somewhat confused. I don't think people should be made fun of whether they're thin, average or plus-size, everyone should be free to feel pretty in their own skin and happy with what they are. It's a bit of a shame that most of these popular artists are taking a good message and simply screwing it up with lines like:

"Fuck them skinny bitches, fuck the skinny bitches in the motherfucking club."

Sorry Nicki, but we can't all afford ass-implants, nor do most girls want to. If you want an ass-eat and work out properly, but hey, that's just my opinion. I'm a total nobody and people could care less about what I find attractive. I just...ugh, can't we all get along??

Inspirational songs are hard to find these days. I still can't get All about that base out of my head and I have mixed feelings about it. Here's basically everything everyone dislikes about it in a nutshell:

"I'm bringing booty back"-hon, booty never left. And my opinion-the Hell is your deal, you're not even fat and my ass is bigger than yours, how are you bringing it back?

"Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that." she then goes ahead and claims that she's just kidding, but the thin people still feel offended.

"Boys like a little more booty to hold at night." feeling good about yourself based on what the opposite sex thinks of you.

and "I won't be no silicon plastic Barbie doll"-some say is implying that all thin good looking people are fake.

I don't need songs like Anaconda and Booty on my playlist and I can sleep fine at night if I do cross All about that base off as well, but I hate all the controversity all of this seems to be causing. I can recommend some nice oldies, like, say, Destiny's child-Bootylicious or, of course, good ole Sir Mix Alot, to anyone willing to give the 90s a shot; also, for a more recent good message song, maybe Beyonce-Pretty hurts (my hospital room-mate played that one a lot as well).

Just don't be hateful and love yourself; life is much too short to worry and waste. Everyone has both beautiful and negative qualities and how you want to look should be based on your opinion only, not society's. Also, if you have a good heart, you're already perfect in my book. Chin up and be happy!

(Also, why can't we have encouraging songs about, say, noses?? I hate my nose!)

Sorry for the long ramble and if I offended anyone, I apologize deeply. My intentions weren't to bash anyone. If you like any of the songs I mentioned, I say, to each their own, and again, sorry if I said anything insulting. Let's just love eachother and get along, mmkay?

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to start replying to my messages and to grab a cup of coffee before I collapse on my keyboard.

Much love and thanks for putting up with me,

I'm terribly sorry, everyone-due to health issues which, as always, seem to kick up around this time of year I won't be online for a few weeks. I'll reply to your messages and notes when I make it back home, however right now, I'm being hospitalized due to kidney problems.

I'm in too much pain to function properly and when I'm on painkillers, I'm usually out for the whole day, so I can't really use the computer at the moment. I apologize and I hope to talk to all of you very soon. Miss you guys, keep me in your thoughts.

Much love and all the best,

I barely had 4 hours of sleep last night and right now I feel like shit. I've been chugging coffee like nobody's business all morning, which is just a heart attack waiting to happen.

Anyone have a remedy for insomnia I could try?
  • Watching: Hey Arnold!
  • Drinking: Coffee
I can already feel the unwatch button on my page being raped beyond imaginable.

But that's alright, because people have been unwatching me for no reason, even when I don't post or submit anything. I just watch my watch list get smaller and smaller and while that does make me question myself, I can't force people to like me. It's their choice and I respect that.

With that being said, currently, there's a huge controversy over Shane Dawson and his current apology video concerning "blackface". I've had so much on my mind that I wanted to type and I know it will cost me a lot of watchers, but I want to share this. I apologize in advance if I offend anyone or bore you to death. Feel free to just unwatch me, like most people have, since I'm not worthy, apparently.

I've been a Shane Dawson fan for years, but I can't say I'm a huge fan. I'm recently discovering some of his old videos and for this I blame YouTube and its constant changes. I get creepypasta videos recommended to me all the time, but no Shane for years? Yeah, thanks. I guess it's my fault for not figuring out the settings early enough.

So here's the skinny-Shane made some videos pretending to be several african-american people, thus, painting his face black. I haven't seen said videos, since he deleted them, so I can't be expected to take a side. I'm also white, so, again, I have no idea what it's like to be the victim of racism, right?


I'm Bulgarian and Bulgaria has always been Europe's bitch. We're like Russia's alcoholic, fake, commie, ugly step-sister and not only do most people assume that we're just like the Russians, we get hated on because we're also, supposedly, filthy ugly gypsies.

(No offense, just quoting.)

So, yes, a lot of people, after finding out that I'm Bulgarian, decided that they don't want to talk to me and called me disturbing names which I plan not to quote. Also, I may not be african-american, but Bulgarians used to be slaves to the Turkish back in the days, so I can understand, even if a little bit, what it feels like.

Do I hate the Turkish? No. Do African-americans hate white people nowadays? No. In fact, African-Americans are amazing. I've often been called a "wigga" for admiring them so much as a race-they're talented, gifted, beautiful and hot as Hell-I really wish I was African-American sometimes. Now, before you call me racist, I want you to re-read these last few sentences. I don't hate anyone based on their colour/gender orientation/religion/style.

Shane Dawson has been a youtube celebrity for almost 5 years now and has made us laugh and cry with his skits, personal videos and short films. Now, while I was being a bitch and ignoring youtube, apparently, he made videos impresonating african-americans and painting his face black, which apparently hurt many people.

To which, he had this video made:

While I can't fully voice an opinion, seeing as how I haven't seen these so called offensive videos, I can say this:

Shane is NOT racist. I don't know him. I've never met the guy in my life and I probably seem like an idiot or a fangirl defending this, but hear/read me out:

I've been watching his videos for many years. He focused on topics like addiction, eating disorders, depression and suicide. It's true that he embodies many stereotypes for the sake of comedy and making people laugh, but it's never been an issue, until this whole blackface "trend" came upon us.

And I know that I will never truly understand how african-americans feel when someone does this, but I also know this: Shane is a good person and would never truly try to hurt anyone. He makes videos with hopes of making people laugh and he's been there for many of us, when we've had bad days. He's kind-hearted, sweet and good-natured, even if his comedic ways are more "South Park"-like, however, as another youtuber has stated (Onision) -comedy hits a lot of nerves. Again, I can understand people feeling hurt, but in comedy-it's either everything goes or nothing goes at all. Once you start apologizing for one thing, you'll have to apologize for something else you've done, and so on and so fort. While I have to admire and agree with Shane's apology (it shows that he's a very good person for admitting and owning up to his supposed mistakes) Onision also makes a very good point-would South Park apologize for making fun of Canada? Would Family Guy apologize to the Jewish? No. Would Chris Rock, one of my favourite comedians ever apologize to a white guy if he painted his face with foundation and stereotyped us? Nope. Again, call me racist if you want, but I don't think Shane was trying to offend anyone. There's a line between imitation and hatred, so, if Shane has to apologize for impersonating a black person, then Hell, he might as well apologize to me and all my fellow nerds out there for creating his Ned the Nerd character. Hell, what about his own Mom? He made his Mom character into an alcoholic bitch and did anyone protest? I'm sorry, I truly would never try to offend someone, but I think people need to chill. I know what it's like to be hated and trust me, it's nothing like any Shane video. Here's a nerdy litttle tit-bit, back in the early 1950s, a Looney Tunes cartoon featuring Bugs Bunny was banned because it featured Bugs Bunny dressing up as an african-american slave. If a cartoon, with multiple writers and artists can be so offensive to the public and mess up, can't a guy who is tip-toeing in adulthood make mistakes? Be the bigger person. During your life, have you always said and done the right thing? Was there never a time when you made an inappropriate joke or offensive remark?

With all of this said, I wanted to remain silent. I don't have a Google+ account and I won't make one, hence, I can't comment on Shane's video, but if he could read it, I just want him to know that he has my full support. I admire him for apologizing and I thank him for the laughter he's brought to my life. If anyone could forward this to him, at least I hope he would know that someone out there supports him. Then again, he might find it creepy, so maybe it's a blessing in disguise for him to not have a devi account.

Also, again, side note, I really do love all races and I judge you only based on your personality. Nice people are colourblind.

Love you all and sorry for the ramble,

~Thea, the Bulgarian bitch that no one likes.
  • Watching: Hey Arnold!
  • Drinking: Coffee
Anyone willing to add me? Anyone?


amIdeadnow's Profile Picture
I love you...jk,go die in a cave
I am NOT my OC. by ThreadbareSP Anti-STAMP by Coloran RP Stamp by Grimsisters13 I Don't Care! by Operia F R E E D O M by Sydneyoreo You're Everything Stamp by NaruButt Help One Person Smile Stamp by Mirz123 Love is Love Stamp by openthesky Ginger Lovers Stamp by ryuchan Matt Stone + Trey Parker Stamp by SpiritLeTitan :thumb294083257: Rock Sugar Stamp by Twizzle-Cayline
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Characters created on another planet by KawaiiSteffu Devious Yakko Stamp by Twizzle-Cayline

Thea. Bisexual. Love my friends and would do anything for them; currently dating and living with the most beautiful girl in the world. Not much of an artist, a wanna-be writer, but an art appreciator. I'm doing my best to be nice and help, if you're rude to me, I'll either ignore you or just respond in the same manner.

Feel free to look around if you want and hey, talk to me, I'm usually friendly :)

I post songs that reflect my mood, thoughts or I'm just currently stuck on. Atm, this is pretty much what's going on inside my head:


Dear PX, I feel you are the one
What's your name? Where are you from?
I'm in love, though we never met
Looking for clues, I search the net

Dear PX, I'm waiting for your mail
Check every hour, to no avail
Been up all night, couldn't get to sleep
No way out, I'm in too deep

Dear PX, It's been eleven days
I'm kind of lost within this maze
Are you there? Give me but a sign
Are you at home? Are you on-line?

[Phideaux Xavier:]
Dear Simone, I'm sorry for the wait
I've seen your pics, you're looking great
I'm all alone, dying for a date
I think we match, it must be fate

[Simone Simons:]
Dear OL, I feel you are the one
What's your name? Where are you from?
I'm in love, though we never met
Looking for clues, I search the net

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Pokechan13 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the fave. ;)
thergothon Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the favourite :-)
fantreasureplanetljs Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for the fave!
myINQI Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
I'm too late, I know... currently working on my residues. So now:
:iconbedanker: on Knoblauchsland by myINQI :hug:
amIdeadnow Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014
You're very welcome :) Thanks for the llama!
myINQI Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Pajunen Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for the :+fav:
ninjawolfleader Featured By Owner May 31, 2014  Student Photographer
Hey, havent spoken in a bit, what's up?
amIdeadnow Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2014
I know, I'm sorry! It's exam month and I'm trying to juggle school and work. How've you been, what's new? :)
ninjawolfleader Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Student Photographer
I just re-read this message and saw "im in juggle school and work" and im like wheeetttt

Im working now!! :D
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