My first memories were memories of her.
Those bright green eyes and wild blonde hair, which hid the sunlight deep beneath those curls
the wicked, wide smile, those freckles spotting on her cheeks and tiny nose
We were no more than 4; the day I picked three flowers and placed them all on her. The first, white daisy, in her hair since every sunrise needed its own cloud; the second, behind her ear, bright blue, so no words of envy would ever curse her charm and beauty
and the third one, bright red, around her tiny finger, because every princess needed a king
How magical her smile would be, how enchanting is her laughter
she'd take my hand and we would run, deep trough the grassy fields, never to be parted; me-the plain, skinny, bony pale little boy and her-the lovely little angel with the starlight in her eyes. How could a goddess ever consider keeping my hand, vowing me love, proclaiming to be mine?
Yet she did, with that soft, warm embrace of hers and that tender, fiery kiss
the day she said she loved me and would never love another
It was also the day our parents said it couldn't ever be.
A brother and sister should love each other, but only as siblings
Years would pass, times would change us
nothing remained as it was, not even those bright, grassy fields. With winters and falls, they turned from yellow to brown, from brown to bright red, then timidly green
but never quite shone as they did on our first ever summer.
Her look also changes, but never her beauty, her features, her soft, mermaid face
on her first day of school, she was the shy, tiny kid, with pigtails and freckles, scared to face the world, stuttering her ABCs, sliding away from her peers, begging mom for me to go with her. At eleven, her golden locks would reach her shoulders and her voice would be much stronger, her Barbie dolls and purple markers became best friends, keys to new amazing, magical worlds
she'd paint the walls over and over again with crayons, drawing rainbows and lakes, sunshines and birds, treat her dolls like queens and give them all names, back-stories, lives
when she turned twelve, that magic turned real, for she had love for everyone. No person in the world was left without a smile, no kid she ever met escaped without a hug
she soon became loved, adored, idolized by peers. Her beautiful smile bloomed like a rose and stuck on her, as if permanent. The dolls however were suddenly forgotten
and our home walls became whiter and whiter with each passing month.
Puberty hit her and the colors she once adored all over her bedroom now plastered her face, she became weary of every freckle and birth-mark on her charming skin, pressed her hair from curls to a shiny straight lake of gold
her eyes, now covered in black and blue, smile covered in rouge
yet her heart still kind, her spirit turned wilder
the sparkle inside of her turning more wicked, more playful, more into fire
I remember the first night she didn't come home; I waited for hours, before passing out on the couch. That night I drifted to sleep with torment in my soul, not sure what to hope for
. And in the morning, only to awake and find her sneaking back home trough the kitchen window, shoes in her hands, tip-toeing to her small bedroom, the first rays of the sun glittering from her happy, flustered face
Week or two later, I actually met him; my little sister's first ever boyfriend. Decent guy, or so my parents would think and that seemed good enough for her. She'd no longer have time for her sweet magic world, or her childish dreams
she hardly spent time with me, let along her parents; it wasn't "cool" to be caught with family, after all.
In few years time, her styles would change, colors too. Her hair went from blonde to bright red, deep black, daring blue or hot pink. Piercings and tattoos would come and go, as well, hot jeans, baggy pants, tiny skirts
guys and wild habits, new interests and hobbies, accidents as well
When she was found on the track, crashing with her motorbike, I couldn't be the one to lift her in my arms and kiss her wound; she always had a boyfriend, she always belonged to someone and that was his duty, his privilege
Now, times are still passing, tides are still changing
she and I, both 22, still see each other every now and then. We've always remained close, even if grown so much different; I, the dark-haired, fair-skinned male, no longer skinny, no longer plain, no longer a nobody
but always feeling alone
and she, my sister Amy, sweet in black and purple, with long wavy hair thrown over one side of her face, in the shade of bright lavender.
The first time I actually kissed her was when our mother died, right there, on her fresh grave. Poor, trembling Amy, shaking in tears on her dirty knees, down in the mud, for once, all alone
and for that moment, the child, the little girl I had fallen in love with. The sweet little angel I grabbed in my arms and lifted from the unforgiving ground, swept and cradled, lightly wept with
brushing her hair to reveal that pale, angelic face and running a finger to wipe away all her tears, I was thrilled to discover what I always knew-she was as beautiful, as charming, as gorgeous
change did nothing to her perfection and grace.
So I kissed her. Deeply and lovingly, during that moment, I could care less who was looking, what they were thinking, what they could be saying
I couldn't even be scared of her pushing away and running off, my mind felt dazzled, I was locked in a daze. Pressing my lips to her own bright pink ones, squishing her petite, tiny figure
feeling her pressure, her thin little arms lock around me, her heart-beat starting to race
she kissed back. So I kissed her once more.
What I thought were hours and millions of kisses, a forever of affection and cradles, and sweet, comforting words, soon vanished, as the day came to an end and a new sunrise was born. She was still my sister, and my closest friend, but thought nothing more of that moment than brotherly love
as leaves changed, and our mother's prints faded, it was just me who kept stuck in that moment, that day, that exact hour. Amy and dad moved on; but I couldn't.
The first night we shared a bed was also the hardest; it was the night her fiancé walked out on her, to find new love with one of her best friends. Amy came to my house, drowning in tears, and we faced her pain together. For the whole evening, I'd hold her near, and as darkness came, we slept in my bed, since I lived in a one-room flat and had nothing else to offer. She cuddled softly against my sheets and pillows, muttering in her sleep, calmly and peacefully, like a baby kitten, all trace of betrayal and hurt gone from her flawless face
I kept my distance and just watched her, all night long, trying to swallow the mix of emotions that filled my being, the fire that burned deep within my chest
I'd reach out to brush a few locks of her hair, or cover her better, so she wouldn't get cold. A few times she'd cradle and snuggle next to me; clutching my hand and resting her cheek on my shoulder; times when I'd hug her and shush her back in her deep sleep. But like everything else, with the next sunrise, that moment was forced to be left forgotten.
We shared my apartment for a brief time, until dad asked her to go live with him. The old man was tired and had grown ill; he needed someone to take care of him during his last years. Amy agreed full-heartedly and half-begged me to come, too
and I would have, had it not been for the fact that her newest boyfriend would go live with them, too.
So I just smiled and let her go; we shared an embrace, before we once more went our separate ways. I looked up her former fiancé and made sure he'd never hurt my precious sister again; gave that bastard my two cents for each time he touched her, made love to her or fucked her senseless, for every gasp she gave out because of him, for every time his name would escape her lips
he wasn't heard of ever since.
Our old man passed away, and was given a small, quick funeral. I hadn't the chance to talk to Amy much; her man hardly let anyone go near her. I couldn't blame him; Amy was a beautiful gem and he knew well to protect her from all craving eyes
but with months going by, and her face fading away from my mind, those few simple memories I had, the past I forced myself to live into, kept me breathing and bleeding
I'd twist and my mind would become corrupt, harsh, wicked
the thoughts I would have of her wrapped in his arms, merging with the ones I had of her in my own would keep me awake for many dark, painful nights
her taste was forever carved on my lips and no amount of liquor, no drug or food could seem to ever wash it away
And now, on our 23d birthday, the final straw had come
an invitation, of all things, to Amy and Jareth's wedding.
It shook me like a cold fever, while my mind couldn't really process it, but there it was, crutched in my hand-a yellow and pink post-card, with the two of them cradled together, he-standing tall and victorious, cradling the love of my life and she-smiling, with light beaming from her, the angel of my childhood fields
You'd think I would cry; you'd think I would scream, tear the wretched piece of paper, hunt him down, try to end it all
but I just laughed. I stood there and laughed, as hard as I could, `till my chest and sides started to hurt, till the laughter became a hysterical squeal.
And for a brief moment, I could hear my mother's voice
"A sister can only love you as a sibling
I placed the pretty card gently on my table, took a breath and reached for my phone. Amy responded to my voice with cheer and promised to quickly visit; and in no more than two hours, she did. A careful ring at my door acknowledged her arrival; with a calmness I didn't know I possessed, I walked over, to face the goddess that haunted my nightmares.
There she was, hair covering half of her face, now candy pink, fragile figure covered by a light white summer dress. She smiled widely, before jumping upward to hug me, laughing cheerfully in my ear:
"Brian, I'm so happy you called! I wanted to see you so much!"
"I missed you too, Ames." I hugged her back generously, before she span around, waving a hand with perfect glee:
"I just knew you'd be happy, since you've always been there for me. You always loved me, no matter what!" a flash from her hand blinded my eye, in which I spotted a beautiful emerald ring right on her index finger. I smiled and nodded my head:
"No matter what. Come right in! When did you
decide all of this?" I tilted my head over to the sofa, before walking over to the kitchen to get her a treat.
"He just proposed, a few nights ago! I wanted to call you right away, at the very moment, but I couldn't even believe it, for days. I'm not sure I still can." Amy laughed in a friendly matter, while looking around "Your new place seems great; oh, don't bother making me anything, really. I just wanted to see you. Jareth's shook up, too, he was hoping you'd give me away
you two never really got to know each other, but he always said you were gre-
hey, do you need any help in there?" she questioned, the second she heard a few clashes. I went back to the guest room, hands locked behind my back:
"Not at all, Amy, I wanted to make you some coffee, at least
you're looking rather pale. Jareth should take better care of you."
"I am not!" she laughed, while shaking her head "You were always so over-protective, ever since we were kids."
"I sat myself next to her, resting one hand next to hers "Remember, when we were kids
we were really close, weren't we?"
"Yep, we'd play all the time, even at night. You always loved to pretend I was a princess in a locked tower, surrounded by dragons." Amy's cheerfulness didn't fail her, neither did her laughter "Remember the time we locked ourselves in the closet and refused to come out, until dad would surrender me to your kingdom?"
"Funny, wasn't it." My smile remained, as I placed a hand around her tiny shoulders and dragged her close to my threatening figure "Remember how you said that you loved me? Just me? Only me?"
I still love you, B, what are you saying?" she noted a tad playfully, as my grip around her became painfully tighter "You're my brother, you're the only family I have
"Not for long; Jareth's your new family, or will be, soon
"Brian, Jareth's my future husband, you
you're my brother. What's with you?" Amy seemed confused, as I roughly shoved her in my lap "Brian, you're hurting me
I can hardly breathe, loosen up
" she struggled, still trying to take this as a joke. It was hard to do so, once my hand made its way to her neck:
"Didn't you promise me
?" I murmured "
that you were sent to this world, only for me?"
"B-Brian, what the Hell-"
"You said you'd love only me, why did you have to do that?" my fingers grasped around her neck tightly, forcing her face into a bright blue color:
leht go!" she choked out, while giving out a scream "Let go!" air was escaping her lungs and coming to an end, while I moved my other hand upward. Fear clouded her tearful eyes and she kicked me away, noticing how I was holding a long, shiny knife.
"You lied." I was quicker and stronger, so I pinned her to the couch with little effort. Jumping on top of her, I pressed the blade to her throat, still smiling sweetly:
Brian, pull yourself together! Come to your senses, I
" shaking, she gulped, not even being able to scream "Brian, I love you, I'm your little sister, what are you-"
"Liar. You don't even remember anything, do you??"
"I was just a kid!!" she shrieked defensively, trying to kick and punch me off "I was just a stupid little kid!! Please, Brian
"A kid, maybe. But you were never, ever stupid
" I muttered, pressing my lips lightly over her forehead "You always knew what you wanted; it was never me
and now it's him."
"I'll leave him, I promise, I'll do, anything you say
" Amy stuttered, shaking from head to toe, before screaming "Somebody, help me!!! Help!!" I shoved my fist in her mouth, before planting another kiss on her face, this time her swollen cheek.
"Lies never lead to anything good
" she desperately struggled under my touch, as I rose the blade upward. Biting my fist, she managed to squeal:
"You're out of your mind! No, Brian, please, just don't!"
"Out of my mind?? I am, but who can blame me? Is it my fault I fell in love, with my sister, of all people? Is it my fault you're beautiful, perfect
?" my smile turned darker, as I punched her deep in the stomach, then kneed her in the hips. Amy gasped in pain, her eyes tearing up even more, air leaving her lungs. Licking the blade, I lift it up, once more
in a pathetic fashion, she quivered and managed to blurt out in a shaking voice:
"P-please, we can work this out
I grinned. My hand actually trembled with excitement.
think of our mother
My smile turned softer, as I stroked her hair and swooshed the blade lower.
"Brian, I love you, I'm your sister, don't do this!!" Amy cried, but could hardly move anymore. The kick I gave her had apparently fractured a rib.
but I love you, too." I spoke quietly, all expressions leaving my face and turning it into a blank, pale mask, as the knife thrust deep inside her breast, once, twice, three times
Her blood spilled over me, her scream filled my ears
.my name was the last thing that left her lips
"And you'll keep your promise, since now, we'll always be together
" I told her soothingly, as her eyes closed for the last time
Once I caught her last breath in a deep, blood-filled kiss, I ran the knife straight through her throat, chopping her head off, then slicing her body wide open, digging through insides, to reach her pumping heart, which stopped right in my moist palm.
I sunk my teeth into it and swallowed it, bite by bite, raw and bloody, her heart filling my stomach, the most delicious fruit I could ever possibly taste.
A while later, I'd chop her body up, after cleaning it from every bone and piece of hair she possessed, then shoved all skin, flesh, meat and intestines into a wide soup pot I poured water in, then set to boil. While turning her once beautiful body into a soup of salt water and her own blood, I took out a tiny hammer and smashed her bones into dust, then sprinkled them into the warm bubbling water. As I waited for the soup to cook, I collected her bright pink hairs and braided them into a thick bracelet, while quietly humming to myself
In less than an hour, my feast was ready. As I gulped down every single bit of flesh, drank every last drop, for the first time in long years I smiled sincere
I finally had her
I finally had you, my Amy, my sister
And I'll always have you, as long as I live
you'll be deep within me.
Together forever, you and I, and until my last breath, our love will go on